Golfer: "I think I am going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "Think you can keep your head down that long?"

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

Golfer: "Do you think that my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

Golfer: "Do you think I can get there with a five iron?"
Caddy: "Eventually!"

Golfer: "You must be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so, sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

Golfer: "Please stop checking your watch all the time."
Caddy: "It's not a watch; it's a compass."

Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good, sir, but personally I prefer golf."

Golfer: "Do you think it is a sin to play on Sunday?"
Caddy: "The way you play, sir, it is a sin on any day."

Golfer: "This is the worst course I've ever played on."
Caddy: "This isn't the golf course. We left that an hour ago."

Golfer: "That can't be my ball, it is too old."
Caddy: "It's been a long time since we teed off, sir."