There's one in every family

Archive for March, 2006

Always Low Prices... But Not A Hotel...
(Stuffmart Jones)

From the Interesting-News-Stories Dept.

Need something? Chances are, Wal-Mart's got it... But how much does it have? Does it have enough to meet all your needs 24 hours a day? Well, Skyler Bartels of Windsor Heights, Iowa, decided to fine out... He spent his spring break at Wal-Mart! No, not going there every day - he actually moved in for 3 days! "That was the goal," he said... "To buy everything I needed at Wal-Mart..." Plus, being a writing major at college, he'd put down the story on paper and see if he could get independent study credit, or make a documentary, or sell it to somebody... So his girlfriend dropped him off on a Sunday wearing jeans and a white T-shirt... He carried his cell phone, heart medicine, ATM card, two forms of identification, and nothing else...

He watched Chicken Little... "They had it on a continuous loop the whole time I was there," he said... "I'd pass through the department and say, 'Oh, it's about halfway through' or, 'I like this part... I think I'll watch it again...'" He drank energy drinks and ate at the Subway inside the store... And he slept in lawn and garden, where the lights weren't so bright and nobody worked between 2:00 and 4:00 AM...

He met the neighbors... "You'd see a lot of people reading," Bartels said... "Cosmopolitan was a huge favorite..." And the same two guys who showed up in the middle of the night to buy movies... "They looked like 'Devil's Rejects' kind of guys... But they ended up buying stuff like 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory'..." The guy who taught him how to play the boxing game at 1 in the morning... And Sister Mary Sue, the nun, show was so happy...

And when he got bored, he stockedand straightened the shelves...

But, his lease ran out on Tuesday... "I noticed the greeters pointing at me," he said... "Somebody got on the intercom and announced a meeting of the department managers... One of the shift managers came up to me and asked, very politely, if I needed anything..." Then they froze his debit card...

"We weren't aware of this," said Wal-Mart spokeswoman Sharon Weber, "but it's not something we condone... We're a retailer, not a hotel..."

Still, Skyler liked it so much he applied for a job! "I wasn't sure how to answer some of the questions" though, he said... "'Where can we reach you?' That was a tough one... The electronics department?"

Want To Be Liked?
(Pick Me Up Jones)

From the Non-Sequitur Dept.

Admit it... You want people to like you! But there are times you feel mostly disliked... Well, don't worry... Just turn up your speakers and you can feel liked anytime you want!

Live long and prosper
(Now that's a long life!)

From the Interesting-News-Stories Dept.

It's a sad day at the zoo in Kolkata, India. Their long time resident tortoise, Addwaitya, has died. And with him goes a bit of history. This giant aldabra tortoise was estimated to be about 250 years old at the time of his death. He was one time pet to Robert Clive, British military officer and government official in India during the mid 18th century! Can you imagine the things you would have experienced in the last 250 years?

PICKN, GRNIN and HEHAW!
(Flying Landmark Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

To arrive in Nashville, it takes PICKN and GRNIN and often a pass through HEHAW. It's the same for guitar players - and pilots.

PICKN, GRNIN and HEHAW are fixed points in the sky that pilots use when they are flying into Nashville International Airport in Tennessee. Throughout the world, aviation authorities establish set routes to guide planes. They label key navigational points with unique identifiers, usually five-letter codes, called fixes. In the U.S., the Federal Aviation Administration has chosen to mark the skies with a sense of humor.

Airplanes approaching Newark International Airport in New Jersey toward the northeast will cross either HOWYA or DOOIN. Louisiana has RYTHM, Kentucky has BRBON and Massachusetts has BOSOX. Kansas City, Mo., has SPICY, BARBQ and RIBBS.

To pilots, Montpelier, Vt., is known for its HAMMM, BURGR and FRYYS. Andrews Air Force Base near Washington has a Republican bent these days, with an approach from the south that goes from FORRD to RREGN and one from the north that moves from DUBYA to BUUSH.

And if you fly the approach to runway 16 in Portsmouth, N.H., you might think you're in a Sylvester and Tweety Bird cartoon. The route takes you from ITAWT to ITAWA to PUDYE to TTATT. If a pilot can't land, he is told to hold by way of IDEED. ("I thought I saw a pussy cat. . . . I did!")

It's not all Looney Tunes. The FAA says it creates memorable fixes to improve safety by making it easier for pilots to remember instructions and avoid flying the wrong route. Who's going to forget HOLDM near Las Vegas?

The FAA long assigned meaningless combinations of letters, some based on Morse code, to fixes, but began using five-letter pronounceable names in 1976. By international aviation standards, they have to be five letters.

"We try to select something that will be easily recognizable," says Nancy Kalinowski, the FAA's director of airspace and aeronautical information management, whose department oversees the identifier name game. "Anytime you create uncertainty in the aviation world, there could be trouble."

Indeed, mix-ups can be tragic. In 1995, an American Airlines Boeing 757 crashed near Cali, Colombia, killing 160 people, after the pilots mistakenly told the plane's autopilot to fly to a navigational beacon named ROZO when they meant to enter a fix called ROMEO, investigators found. The computer began turning the plane around in a narrow valley, and the plane hit a mountaintop.

Pilots primarily navigate by using special radios that tune in to signals emitted by transmitters, or beacons, on the ground. They then fly from one beacon to the next. To pinpoint their position, they determine the compass reading, or "radial," from two different beacons. Fixes are points in the sky at the intersection of two radials from two beacons. They act as landmarks -- much like the intersection of two city streets -- only airborne. HEHAW, for example, is the point when the Nashville navigation beacon is at a radial of 156 degrees on the compass and the Bowling Green beacon is at 247 degrees. There's only one spot where those two radials intersect.

In the mid-1990s, the military released satellite-based navigation for commercial use, enabling the FAA to create additional fixes anywhere in the sky. Now, the FAA can mark a spot with simple longitude and latitude coordinates, and then give it a name. Airplanes can identify it with Global Positioning Satellite computers, which receive signals directly from space.

Satellite navigation lets the FAA create better routes, such as more-precise approaches at small airports or safer passages through mountainous areas. As a result, scores of new fixes have been dreamed up in the past 10 years.

The "Tweety Bird" approach in Portsmouth, N.H. -- one of the first satellite-based airport approaches in the U.S. -- is credited with unleashing the burst of creativity at the FAA. When Brad Rush of the FAA's national flight-procedures office in Oklahoma City designed the Portsmouth approach, he decided to do something clever to draw pilots' attention to the benefits of the new world of satellite-navigation approaches, the FAA said.

Typically, names are proposed by local FAA offices and approved by Ms. Kalinowski's office in Washington. They are screened for bad taste, she says, though she and her colleagues can't recall ever rejecting a proposed name. On one of the arrival routings to Cincinnati, pilots are likely to be instructed to "cross DRESR at 18,000 feet." The FAA also allowed BUXOM, which is in Oregon, and JUGGS, which is in Idaho.

But that's about as racy as it gets. In Martinsburg, W.Va., pilots call the tower when they are five miles from landing and report they are in HEVEN. There's a fix called SWEET in New Jersey that is above a candy factory. And in the air above the veterinary college at Iowa State University, planes fly to EIEIO.

Some are rather predictable, like the BOENG fix near Seattle, the COKEM fix near Atlanta and the ALAMO fix near San Antonio. Orlando, Fla., has MICKI, MINEE and GOOFY.

Besides PICKN and GRNIN, Nashville goes to lengths to honor its country stars. The approach to one runway at Nashville's main airport sends planes from LRETA to JCKSN to GRRTH, in honor of Loretta Lynn, Alan Jackson and Garth Brooks.

Sports themes are popular. St. Louis pays homage to the game of pool with a series of fixes called the QBALL SIX arrival, which moves from SCRCH to BREAK to FATSS to QBALL. The city also honors Cardinals baseball great Stan Musial with fixes STAAN and MUZUL on the approach to St. Louis International Airport.

In Phoenix, one arrival route to the airport moves from SLAMN to DUNKK to BBALL to SUNSS to HOOPS. Football-crazed Houston has an arrival with the following fixes: GOALL, PPUNT, DRPPD, FTBAL, COACH, QTRBK, TAKKL, RECVR, FMBLE and, seven miles west of Hobby Airport, TCHDN.

Throughout the country, there are several spellings of ORVLL and WILBR, of course. The Clintons' cat was honored with a SOCKS fix near President Clinton's hometown of Hot Springs, Ark. (There's also MEEOW nearby.) When actor and pilot Kurt Russell approaches Brackett Field near La Verne, Calif., he passes GOLDI and HAWNN, which honor his longtime partner.

Not all fixes make sense. Ms. Kalinowski says she can't explain why the BRONX is located 80 miles southeast of Barrow, Alaska.

(Originally written by Scott McCartney for The Wall Street Journal)

I Don't Know Which Is Scarier...
(Tanks For Less Jones)

From the Visit-This-Web-Site Dept.

If you drive a car (or maybe even if you don't), then at least once you have probably wished you had a tank... Sometimes it is a time thing - with a tank you could just drive over the bumper to bumper traffic or at least plow through the retaining wall and go cross country to get where you are going... Sometimes it is a safety thing - let's see someone cut you off driving one of these! And sometimes it is just a "cool" thing - everyone else would wish they had one...

So I don't know which is scarier - the fact that NAO Design is actually selling tanks to end users or the fact that you can buy them on Amazon.com! But there it is: the JL421 Badonkadonk Land Cruiser/Tank... And with only a 1-2 month turnaround time... Then you can cruise at up to 40 mph in your very own armored land cruiser... And this is not your grandfather's tank! this one comes with plush carpeted interior, interior and exterior accent lighting, and a 400 watt premium sound system! All for less than most new cars!

Unfortunately, shipping and handling is not included...

(If nothing else, be sure to check out the product reviews!)

Sometimes The Dead Vote, Sometimes They Are Elected!
(Dead Tired Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

Bob Kasun has served the citzens of Bisbee, Arizona, for four terms on the city council... Apparently, he's done a good job, because he was just elected to a 5th term, easily defeating his opponent with over 75% of the vote... One problem: He's dead! He died at the age of 76 just a couple weeks before the election... People are still happy for him, though... "I am just tickled to death that Bob won," Councilwoman Luche Giacomino said after her own victory...

(Of course, now the city council will have to vote for who will actually serve out Kasun's term... No word on if Kasun is recommending anyone or how he'll vote in the meantime...)

Some Of Life's Important Questions
(Just wondering Jones)

From the Mysteries-Of-The-Universe Dept.

Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are getting weak?
Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough?
Why do they use sterilized needles for death by lethal injection?
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
Whose idea was it to put an "S" in the word "lisp"?
Why is it that no matter what color bubble bath you use the bubbles are always white?
Is there ever a day that mattresses are not on sale?
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give the vacuum one more chance?
When we are in the supermarket and someone rams our ankle with a shopping cart then apologizes for doing so, why do we say, "It's all right?" Well, it isn't all right, so why don't we say, "That hurt, you stupid idiot?"
In winter why do we try to keep the house as warm as it was in summer when we complained about the heat?
How come you never hear father-in-law jokes?

Examination Graduation Questions - Circa 1895!!!
(School Marm Jones)

From the Interesting-News-Stories Dept.

The Smoky Valley Genealogy Society of Salina, Kansas, has on file the "original eighth-grade final exam for 1895 from Salina, Kansas..." Better still, they offered the same test to 7th graders and only those who couldn't pass it then had to take it after the 8th grade! So... Think you're as smart as an 8th grader from 1895? Let's find out:

Grammar (Time, one hour)

  1. Give nine rules for the use of Capital Letters.
  2. Name the Parts of Speech and define those that have no modifications.
  3. Define Verse, Stanza and Paragraph.
  4. What are the Principal Parts of a verb? Give Principal Parts of do, lie, lay and run.
  5. Define Case, Illustrate each Case.
  6. What is Punctuation? Give rules for principal marks of Punctuation.
  7. Write a composition of about 150 words and show therein that you understand the practical use of the rules of grammar.

Arithmetic (Time, 1.25 hours)
  1. Name and define the Fundamental Rules of Arithmetic.
  2. A wagon box is 2 ft. deep, 10 feet long, and 3 ft. wide. How many bushels of wheat will it hold?
  3. If a load of wheat weighs 3942 lbs., what is it worth at 50cts. per bu, deducting 1050 lbs. for tare?
  4. District No. 33 has a valuation of $35,000. What is the necessary levy to carry on a school seven months at $50 per month, and have $104 for incidentals?
  5. Find cost of 6720 lbs. coal at $6.00 per ton.
  6. Find the interest of $512.60 for 8 months and 18 days at 7 percent.
  7. What is the cost of 40 boards 12 inches wide and 16 ft. long at $.20 per inch?
  8. Find bank discount on $300 for 90 days (no grace) at 10 percent.
  9. What is the cost of a square farm at $15 per acre, the distance around which is 640 rods?
  10. Write a Bank Check, a Promissory Note, and a Receipt.

U.S. History (Time, 45 minutes)
  1. Give the epochs into which U.S. History is divided.
  2. Give an account of the discovery of America by Columbus.
  3. Relate the causes and results of the Revolutionary War.
  4. Show the territorial growth of the United States.
  5. Tell what you can of the history of Kansas.
  6. Describe three of the most prominent battles of the Rebellion.
  7. Who were the following: Morse, Whitney, Fulton, Bell, Lincoln, Penn, and Howe?
  8. Name events connected with the following dates: 1607, 1620, 1800, 1849, and 1865?

Orthography (Time, one hour)
  1. What is meant by the following: Alphabet, phonetic orthography, etymology, syllabication?
  2. What are elementary sounds? How classified?
  3. What are the following, and give examples of each: Trigraph, subvocals, diphthong, cognate letters, linguals?
  4. Give four substitutes for caret 'u'.
  5. Give two rules for spelling words with final 'e'. Name two exceptions under each rule.
  6. Give two uses of silent letters in spelling. Illustrate each.
  7. Define the following prefixes and use in connection with a word: Bi, dis, mis, pre, semi, post, non, inter, mono, super.
  8. Mark diacritically and divide into syllables the following, and name the sign that indicates the sound: Card, ball, mercy, sir, odd, cell, rise, blood, fare, last.
  9. Use the following correctly in sentences, Cite, site, sight, fane, fain, feign, vane, vain, vein, raze, raise, rays.
  10. Write 10 words frequently mispronounced and indicate pronunciation by use of diacritical marks and by syllabication.

Geography (Time, one hour)
  1. What is climate? Upon what does climate depend?
  2. How do you account for the extremes of climate in Kansas?
  3. Of what use are rivers? Of what use is the ocean?
  4. Describe the mountains of N.A.
  5. Name and describe the following: Monrovia, Odessa, Denver, Manitoba, Hecla, Yukon, St. Helena, Juan Fermandez, Aspinwall and Orinoco.
  6. Name and locate the principal trade centers of the U.S.
  7. Name all the republics of Europe and give capital of each.
  8. Why is the Atlantic Coast colder than the Pacific in the same latitude?
  9. Describe the process by which the water of the ocean returns to the sources of rivers.
  10. Describe the movements of the earth. Give inclination of the earth.

Moving Frosty Is Not As Easy As You Think...
(Moving Jones)

From the Interesting-News-Stories Dept.

North St. Paul, Minnesota, is the home of a huge snowman: a 44 foot tall steel with stucco figure built in 1974, including the top hat, buttons, and everything else a good snowman needs... Unfortunately, the snowman's home is right in the middle of the planned rebuild of highway 36... Fortunately, the money for moving "Frosty" is already alloted, so no problem, right?

Well, kind of... First there's the technical issue of moving a 44 foot snowman... The last time they moved him was in the 1980s... "We had to saw the head off, so it would fit on two flatbed trucks," Mayor Bill Sandberg said... Which leads to the more emotional issue... "People lined the streets to watch the move, but little kids had tears: 'Where's his head?' We told them, 'Don't worry, it's on the next truck.'"

The times, they are a'changin'...
(The interested Medieval scholar...)

From the Visit-This-Web-Site Dept.

The Island of Sark, 600 residents strong, is the smallest of the four major Channel Islands, and the smallest independent 'state' in the British Commonwealth. This 3-mile wide island has been known for having the last feudal constitution in the world…… or at least it was until yesterday. On Wednesday, the Parliament voted to change its structure: from only landowners having automatic seats in the Parliament, to half land-owners, half-non, and all must be elected.

The proposed agenda of the EXTRAORDINARY MEETING of the Chief Pleas, Sark's Parliament, together with supporting documents describing the change, can be found on the government's website: http://www.sark.gov.gg/

You have to hunt for other articles, but it's interesting to read the various opinions about this form of government and the attempt to change it.

My Feet Gotta Sing!
(Singing In The Rain Jones)

From the Site-News Dept.

Some people say their feet have just got to dance... Mine, however, have got to sing! Or, at least, they will once I buy a pair of the new Code M shoes from DaDa shoes... Why? because Code M shoes like this tennis shoe will have a built-in wireless MP3 player! The shoe holds up to 100 songs (transferred via USB) and has a battery life of 6 hours... And the included wireless headphones can listen from up to 30 feet away, so you can begin jammin' even before you put your shoes on!

And this is only the beginning... DaDa is planning even more feature in future Code M shoes... Some of the ideas include shoes with built in speakers (so you can share you music with your B-Ball Buddies), shoes with built in exercise programs that (no pun intended) walk you through your workout, shoes with built in cell phones (answered through the wireless headset of course), and more!

(Your Nikes are just so analog, dude...)

Solve Soduko... And See Microscopic Cells!
(Tiny Puzzle Jones)

From the Site-News Dept.

Veit Elser and his colleagues at Cornell University have been working on ways to improve images taken using X-ray diffraction microscopes... The microscopes use low-powered X-rays to image extremely small items (like single cells) without greatly damaging or killing them... The problem is that the image is produced by looking at the diffraction pattern of the X-rays, which is difficult because there are literally hundreds of thousands of diffracted rays with different frequencies and amplitudes plus all the background radiation... Elser and company have developed a difference-map algorithm that is extremely good at putting the image together... The algorithm is based on the fact that, given the right constraints, there is only one way to put the X-ray data together correctly: the way that shows the image of the subject...

Which is where the fun starts... "There are a lot of problems that you can represent in terms of this language," Elser says... "We're providing the technique..." So what did they use it for? Soduko puzzles! For the puzzles, there is lots of data: the numbers 1 thru 9, repeated often... The constraints are that each number appears nine times in the grid, there is only one per row and column, and all nine numbers appear within each of the nine blocks... The algorithm can then use those constraints to solve the puzzle... And not just any soduko puzzle - All soduko puzzles! Elser says this application of the algorithm appeals to his whimsical side...

(For fun, they are using the algorithm to create soduko puzzles for people to solve, including ones with letters instead of numbers! Care to try a 25x25 alpha based soduko puzzle?)

I'm Innocent! Just Ask The Sea Sponge...
(Spell Check Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

San Francisco's 1st District Court of Appeal was recently hearing the case of People v. Danser, with William Danser, a former Santa Clara County Superior Court judge, seeking to reverse his conviction for fixing traffic tickets... When they went through the defense's briefs, however, they kept seeing references to sea sponges! For example, "an appropriate instruction limiting the judge's criminal liability in such a prosecution must be given sea sponge explaining that certain acts or omissions by themselves are not sufficient to support a conviction..." Plus, "it is well settled that a trial court must instruct sea sponge on any defense, including a mistake of fact defense..."

Needless to say, the justices were confused and asked defense attorney Arthur Dudley for an explanation... And Dudley replied that his spell checker did not have "sua sponte" (Latin for "on its own motion") in it and replaced it with "sea sponge"... So he filed a follow-up brief asking the justices to replace sea sponge with sua sponte everywhere it occurs...

Dudley's not likely to make the same mistake again as his local peers have started calling it the "sea sponge duty to instruct" defense!

Now That's A Cave!
(Cavernous Jones)

From the Places-To-Go-and-Things-To-See Dept.

Ever been in a cave? Depending on the cave, you probably thought it was pretty big... I guarantee you it has nothing on Cueva del Fantasma! Spanish for "Cave of the Ghost", Cueva del Fantasma was recently found in the side of Aprada tepui, a sandstone table mountain in southern Venezuela... And how big is it? So big two helicopters can fly inside, land next to the waterfall, and almost get lost in the distance! Check out this picture and see if you can find the helicopters the expedition used while exploring the cave

Fore!!!!
(Golfer Jones)

From the Interesting-News-Stories Dept.

I'm not sure what par is, but the tee shot is something else! As part of a deal with Element 21, a Canadian golf company, a Russian cosmonaut planning to tee off from the International Space Station later this year... Better still, he'll hit it with a gold-plated golf club made from scandium, the same alloy used to build the space station... If all goes well, the ball will go all the way around the planet! Perhaps for as long as 4 years! Any golfers on earth wanting to track the record drive will be able to use global positioning transmitters to watch it orbit until it finally loses enough altitude to fall back to earth...

(Since it burns up (and gets lost) on re-entry, does the cosmonaut have to take a stroke?)


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