Because everything else is just keeping up

Archive for April, 2005

Rock, Paper, Scissors in the Business World!
(CEO Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

Remember the book All I Really Need To Know I Learned In Kindergarten? Apparently the book has some followers... Japanese art collector Tashi Hashiyama was unable to decide whether Christie's or Sotheby's should auction off his collection... This is a big deal because the collection is worth over 20 million dollars (15.5 million Euro) and contains works by Picasso, Van Gogh and Cezanne... So he had them play Rock, Paper, Scissors!

"The way in which collections are won sometimes rest on the tiniest little decision, and the owner of this collection could not decide between the two big houses," said Nicholas Maclean, Christie's international director for Impressionist and Modern Art... "In Japan it is not uncommon that a decision will be made where this game will be played," he said... "When [Hashiyama] mentioned this, we were not surprised. We've heard this before and we took it very seriously..."

So what did they do? They studied the game!!! Maclean said Christie's decided to play the eventual winner (scissors) after doing some research... "A lady in Japan did her own research and she independently came with the idea that scissors should be the way we should go," he said... "I spoke to my own children and they also felt that that was the way. So, between us we decided to go with scissors."

They did change the gameplay in one way though... Representatives of each firm wrote their choice on a piece of paper instead of playing in the traditional fashion, with hands...

British News
(Across the water Jones)

From the News-Worth-Repeating Dept.

*From British Newspapers*

1) Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North Westgas said "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house."
(The Daily Telegraph)

2) Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like.
(The Guardian)

3) A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coastguard spokesman commented, "This sort of thing is all too common".
(The Times)

4) At the height of the gale, the harbourmaster radioed a coastguard and asked him to estimate the windspeed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a guage. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff.
(Aberdeen Evening Express)

6) Mrs Irene Graham of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out "Heil Hitler."
(Bournemouth Evening Echo)

Sorry! Didn't Mean To Steal that!
(Double-Take Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

The Garfield County, Oklahoma, Sheriff’s Department got an odd call this week: A woman was calling to say her house had been broken into... Why was that so weird? Because the person who broke in did so to replace the items stolen from her house just 3 days earlier!!! Not only did they return the TV, VCR and stereo, they hooked them all back up... And as an added bonus, they repaired the broken door jam from the prior burglary! "It was spooky," Undersheriff Jerry Niles said, adding that this was the first time he has ever seen all of the property taken in a burglary returned like that... Deputies are still investigating the case...

(So, if they return stuff and repair damage, are they still called a "burglar"?)

How to clean a toilet
(Looking for easier ways Jones)

From the Jones-Tested-and-Approved Dept.

How to clean the toilet:

  1. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and put both lids up.
  2. Pick up the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom.
  3. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids. (You may need to stand on the lid.) The cat will self agitate and make ample suds. (Never mind the noises that come from the toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this.)
  4. Flush the toilet three or four times. (This provides a "power-wash" and "rinse".)
  5. Have someone open the door to the outside (Be sure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door.)
  6. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids.
  7. The now clean cat will rocket out of the toilet, and run outside where he will dry himself off. The toilet will be sparkling clean!
Sincerely, The Dog

Show You Know How To Get Perpendicular!
(Technology Loving Jones)

From the Geek-News Dept.

Have you seen the Get Perpendicular cartoon yet? Hitachi GST, following in the footsteps of School House Rock, came out with the educational music video to explain their new Perpendicular recording method for disk drives... Now they are looking for a subject for their next educational cartoon! Ever wonder how hard drives work? Now's your chance to ask... And as an added incentive, if you complete their survey by May 6th, Hitachi is giving away Get Perpendicular T-Shirts!

Smoking Chimp
(Non-smoking Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

He may not qualify as the Marlboro Man, but Charlie the chimp has picked up a bad habit, and his keepers are trying to make him go cold turkey.

Charlie — a chimpanzee who lives at the Bloemfontein Zoo in South Africa — picked up the smoking habit from visitors who would toss him cigarettes. (Apparently South African tourists don't carry healthier snacks when they visit the zoo.)

"It looks funny to see a chimp smoking," a zoo spokesman said, but Charlie's trick could cost him his health. One zoo official says Charlie "acts like a naughty schoolboy" and hides his cigarettes when workers are around.

According to an April 22 Associated Press article, the zoo is asking visitors to quit tossing cigarettes and contributing to the chimp's habit.

Maybe they can start throwing him Nicorette patches instead.

Natural Laws
(Observant Jones)

From the Mysteries-Of-The-Universe Dept.

"The Law of Volunteering"
If you dance with a grizzly bear, you had better let him lead.

"The Law of Avoiding Oversell"
When putting cheese in a mousetrap, always leave room for the mouse.

"The Law of Reality"
Never get into fights with ugly people, they have nothing to lose.

"The Law of Self Sacrifice"
When you starve with a tiger, the tiger starves last.

"Weiler's Law"
Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.

"Law of Probable Dispersal"
Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed.

"Law of Volunteer Labor"
People are always available for work in the past tense.

"Conway's Law"
In any organization there is one person who knows what is going on. That person must be fired.

"Iron Law of Distribution"
Them that has, gets.

"Law of Cybernetic Entomology"
There is always one more bug.

"Heller's Law"
The first myth of management is that it exists.

"Osborne's Law"
Variables won't; constants aren't.

"Main's Law"
For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

"Berg's Second Law"
If builders built buildings the way programmers wrote programs, then the first woodpecker that came along would have destroyed civilization.

That's One Way To Deal With Vegetables!
(Musically Inclined Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

Remember when your Mom told you to eat your vegetables and not to play with your food? Apparently Jonathen Crocker, Douglas Mumaw and David Macejka didn't listen as well as most... Where others saw something they had to eat or avoid, these three saw something to play! Not play with - play... Musically! Together they formed the Wyld Men - a group into experimental music... Most of it with Vegetables! Like Yam, Broccolli and Carrot Whistles! Or the Slide Potato - a potato that works something like a trombone - so unique it's patented! And the Capsicum Merliton - a kazoo made from a pepper!

So what does vegetable music sound like? Check out the Wyld Men's Veggie Music CD at CDBaby... You can listen to the CD there... And if it really intriques you, check out the Wyld Men web site where you can order the book A Treatise on the Design and Fabrication of Vegetable Musical Instruments!

(Personally, I will never look at a yam the same way again...)

To unsubscribe
(Love to write directions Jones)

From the Site-News Dept.

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Flying Sausage Wounds Motorist!
(Can't Make This Up Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

John Hatfield was driving home from work on Monday when he had his nose broken... By a frozen sausage!!! He was nearing his home in South Woodham Ferrers "and had the window down because it was such a nice afternoon," a spokesman for the Essex Ambulance Service said... "He said he saw a car coming the other way and felt a searing pain in his nose. His nose was undoubtedly fractured and he had lost quite a lot of blood. It must have been an incredibly lucky, or unlucky, shot to get the sausage through a moving car window. I have never seen or heard of anything like this before." Essex police said they were investigating the incident...

(Ouch! Try explaining this one to insurance!)

If You Can't Beat Them, Pay Them Off!
(Try Anything Once Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

Yobe State in Northern Nigeria has a problem... Highway robbery is on the rise and the government hasn't been able to find a way to stop it... So the government has decided to just give the bandits what they want: Money! Ibrahim Jirgi, special media adviser to Yobe State’s governor Abba Bukar Ibrahim, says "the government has decided to grant pardon and a token of 20,000 naira to any bandit who repents, surrenders his weapons and swears an oath in public that he will never engage in banditry again..." That works out to about $150 (about 150 Euro) - a huge sum in a country where over 4 out of 5 people get by on less than $2 a day!

(I'm waiting to see how many "bandits" show up to claim the money without having ever tried a life of crime... Hey, for a couple months pay, I'll gladly say I'll never be a bandit!)

Just Not The Same As Easy Street...
(Boulevard Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

Sometimes the street you live on makes all the difference in the world... Just ask Mario Saucedo of Pico Rivera, California... He lives on Dork Street... "I had a resume kicked back because someone thought I was kidding," said Saucedo...

Apparently, even the street is embarrassed sometimes... When Ester Avetisian moved there 18 years ago, there wasn't even a street sign! "I didn't know the name until my husband and I were signing [mortgage] papers," Avetisian recalled... "I was pretty shocked when I found out..."

And it does lead to some interesting questions... Clyde Parra has lived on Dork Street for eight years... "When I go to cash a check at the store, people ask me if I'm a dork," he said...

So why Dork Street? No one knows! There is no record explaining how the street got it's name, and it didn't show up on any maps prior to a Los Angeles County tract map in 1936... "It's obviously historic," city spokesman Bob Spencer said, adding "it seems like streets named for last names are the norm in that area..."

(Ah, yes... That's Mr. Dork to you... I just hope their first name wasn't Big!)

Ah, The Mystery Of The Sea...
(Kids Have Interesting Views Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

The ocean is a big unknown when you are a kid... Take, for example, when a group of kids was asked to write or draw about the ocean:

  • If you are surrounded by sea you are an Island. If you don't have sea all round you, you are in continent.
    (Wayne - age 7)
  • I think sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She's not my friend no more.
    (Kylie - age 6)
  • When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes, when the wind didn't blow, the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would be better off eating beans.
    (William - age 7)
  • I'm not going to write about the sea. My baby brother is always screaming and being sick, my Dad keeps shouting at my Mom, and my big sister has just got pregnant, so I can't think what to write.
    (Amy - age 6)
  • Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves into chargers.
    (Christopher - age 7)
  • My Mom has fishnets, but doesn't catch any fish.
    (Laura - age 5)
  • A submarine goes under the water like a fish, but it has lots of sea men inside.
    (Emma - age 5)
  • When I grow up, I want to be captain of a big ship, and have lots of sailors.
    (Valerie - age 6)

Get Paid For Watching TV!
(Self Employed Jones)

From the Interesting-News-Stories Dept.

Like to watch TV? Have a sense of humor? Then here's the job for you! ABC's Jimmy Kimmel Live is looking a professional TV watcher! One of the four staffers Jimmy Kimmel pays to watch TV all day and gather humorous clips for his opening monologue each night is leaving, so the comedian is launching a nationwide search for a replacement. Check out the job info from the online job application:

Do you love television? Do you love watching television? Well, how would you like the chance to get paid to watch it ALL DAY LONG? This is not a dream. This is real. You can earn big bucks in the high-growth, fast-paced world of watching TV. Why break your back doing manual labor when you can lay on it?! You'll laugh the hours away while scouring the airwaves for hilarious TV moments - and keep on laughing -all the way to the bank! So if you want a new job, like to watch television, and you work well WITHOUT others, let us know!

Jimmy Kimmel, in announcing the job search yesterday, joked that a college education and personal hygiene are not necessarily required for the job, but there is a risk of "a sharp increase in the percentage of body fat..."

(But hey, for the $500 to $600 a week that the job pays, I'd be willing to risk it!)

Introducing Jones-News!
(Administrator Jones)

From the Site-News Dept.

Jonesin' for some news? Look no further... Introducing Jones-News! If you want to keep up with the Joneses, it helps to know what the Joneses are up to... That's were Jones-News comes in... Every hour, dozens of news feeds covering thousands of news sources are searched for Jones news... If the writer is a Jones, the subject is a Jones, the source is a Jones - actually, if anything or anyone in the story is a Jones - we grab the headline, a summary, and 1 to 3 links to sources where you can see what the Joneses of the world are up to!

Check it out!

The Architecture Of Pennies!
(One Cent Jones)

From the Visit-This-Web-Site Dept.

Ah the penny... You can't buy anything for a penny, and just saving them is hardly exciting... So what do you do with them? Why build things, of course! Well, that's what Mitch Fincher did... And apparently pennies make great building blocks! Check out the results (including step by step instructions) on his web site at http://www.fincher.org/Misc/Pennies/... They are quite amazing!

Quotes from and about women
(Never understand 'em Jones)

From the Just-Wanted-To-Share Dept.

Inside every older lady is a younger lady — wondering what on earth happened. (Cora Harvey Armstrong)
Inside me lives a skinny woman crying to get out. But I can usually shut her up with cookies.
The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy. (Helen Hayes at 73)
Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. (Lily Tomlin)
My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint. (Erma Bombeck)
A man's got to do what a man's got to do. A woman must do what he can't. (Rhonda Hansome)
The phrase "working mother" is redundant. (Jane Sellman)
Whatever women must do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult. (Charlotte Whitton)
Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart. (Caryn Leschen)
If you can't be a good example — then you'll just have to be a horrible warning. (Catherine)
I'm not offended by all the dumb blonde jokes because I know I'm not dumb — and I'm also not blonde. (Dolly Parton)
Behind every successful man is a surprised woman. (Maryon Pearson)
In politics, if you want anything said, ask a man. If you want anything done, ask a woman. (Margaret Thatcher)

I can't remember the dates now...
(Pick your favorite news source, it's an interesting debate Jones)

From the Site-News Dept.

So why not go ahead and change them...
The energy bill currently working it's way through the U.S. Congress has a section with a proposal to extend Daylight Savings Time. Apparently a month earlier in the spring and a month later in the fall. The House should vote next week...

Two Cannibals Sit Down To Dinner...
(Laughing At Dinner Jones)

From the Joke-Of-The-Day Dept.

Two cannibals were eating a clown... The one cannibal looked at the other an asked, "Does this taste funny to you?"

Hitachi Celebrates With A Song!
(Chorus Line Jones)

From the Geek-News Dept.

In March, Hitachi announced the ability to increase the data stored on a disk drive by an order of magnitude using Perpendicular Recording... This is a big deal! (Literally) Drive manufacturers were quickly approaching the limits of what could be squeezed onto a "normal" hard drive due to the effects of superparamagnetism... But how to describe the concept of Perpendicular Recording to the people most likely to benefit from it? Apparently someone at Hitachi used to watch School House Rock, because they came out with an Get Perpendicular - an animated music video that explains it!

So you think your job is bad......
(Thankful Jones)

From the Just-Wanted-To-Share Dept.

The San Francisco Zoo has an elephant, named Calle. It seems that Calle has a chronic illness which requires daily medication. The zoo people couldn't get Calle to take her dose orally, so a pharmacologist developed a suppository for her.

The 10-inch-long, four-pound, cocoa-butter bullets are crafted by the good folks at Guittard Chocolates in Burlingame, California.

Administering the DAILY medication takes five zoo workers, including one person to distract Calle with treats and one person who wears a full-arm glove.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT ALL THIS MEANS?

It means that five people have jobs worse than yours!

Now stop complaining and get back to work.

A Cookie-less Cookie Monster?!?
(Say It Ain't So Jones)

From the Interesting-News-Stories Dept.

Cookie Monster without cookies? Say it isn't so! But there he is, out there encouraging kids and adults to to eat fruits & vegetables and to put down the cookies!!! Is the world coming to an end?

According to Dr. Rosemarie T. Truglio, Sesame Street's vice president of research and education, "We’re teaching him moderation..." She said the show changes every year, focusing not just on teaching numbers and letters but also emotional and physical health... Since the show is celebrating it's 35th season this year, it is using the occasion to kick off a new focus on healthy habits: diet, exercise, and more...

In Cookie Monster's case, this means more foods that are good for him and a new song... Remember "C is for cookie, that’s good enough for me"? Well now there is "A Cookie Is a Sometimes Food," where Cookie Monster learns there are anytime foods and sometimes foods...

So no more cookies? "We are not putting him on a diet," said Truglio, "and we would never take the position of no sugar." And when he finishes his "A Cookie Is a Sometimes Food" song, he asks, "Is sometimes now?" And the answer is almost always "Yes!" However, he will try different kinds of cookies (healthier cookies, they say) rather than just his staple, chocolate chip... But he's still blue, furry, has googly eyes, and he'll still scarf his food (plus the occasional object)!

(Well Cookie Monster is 36 now, so a healthier diet may not be such a bad thing!)

*18 Things That Never Happened On Star Trek*
(Trekkie Jones)

From the Geek-News Dept.

1. The Enterprise runs into a mysterious energy field of a type it has encountered several times before.
2. The Enterprise goes to visit a remote outpost of scientists, who are all perfectly all right.
3. Some of the crew visit the holodeck, and it works properly.
4. The crew of the Enterprise discover a totally new lifeform, which later turns out to be a rather well-known old life form wearing a funny hat.
5. The crew of the Enterprise are struck by a mysterious plague, for which the only cure can be found in the well-stocked Enterprise sick-bay.
6. The Captain has to make a difficult decision about a less advanced people which is made a great deal easier by the Starfleet Prime Directive.
7. The Enterprise successfully ferries an alien VIP from one place to another without serious incident.
8. An enigmatic being composed of pure energy attempts to interface to the Enterprise's computer, only to find out that it has forgotten to bring the right leads.
9. A power surge on the Bridge is rapidly and correctly diagnosed as a faulty capacitor by the highly-trained and competent engineering staff.
10. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly superior alien intelligence which does not put them on trial.
11. The Enterprise is captured by a vastly inferior alien intelligence which they easily pacify by offering it some chocolate.
12. The Enterprise visits an earth-type planet called "Paradise" where everyone is happy all of the time. However, everything is soon revealed to be exactly what it seems.
13. A major Starfleet emergency breaks out near the Enterprise, but fortunately some other ships in the area are able to deal with it to everyone's satisfaction.
14. The Enterprise is involved in a bizarre time-warp experience which is in some way unconnected with the Late 20th Century.
15. Kirk (or Riker) falls in love with a woman on a planet he visits, and isn't tragically separated from her at the end of the episode.
16. Counselor Troi states something other than the blindingly obvious.
17. The warp engines start going haywire, but seem to sort themselves out after a while without any intervention from boy genius Wesley Crusher.
18. Spock (or Data) is fired from his high-ranking position for not being able to understand the most basic nuances of one in three sentences that anyone says to him.

Really, I'm Incompetent!
(Fool For A Lawyer Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

There's an old saying that he who represents himself in court has a fool for a lawyer... Now Thomas Budnick in Massachusetts is trying to prove just that! Budnick was convicted of assault in 2002 for trying to poison a friend by spiking a 40-ounce bottle of beer... Budnick claims it was an accident and that the acid he kept in his garage was for cleaning his collection of meteorites... Now he is appealing for the court to overturn the conviction on the grounds his attorney was incompetent... The problem is that Budnick was his own attorney!!! His new lawyer says the trial judge should never have allowed Budnick to waive counsel as he once filed mining claims on Mars and threatened to sue NASA for trespassing... He contends such antics should have been enough to make the judge question his competence and should be enough to throw out the conviction now...

(So remember to do some crazy stuff now so if you ever get arrested you can represent yourself and then get off on appeal!)

Why did the chicken cross the road?
(Curious Jones)

From the Site-News Dept.

Depends on who you're asking . . .

RALPH NADER
The chicken's habitat on the original side of the road had been polluted by unchecked industrialist greed. The chicken did not reach the unspoiled habitat on the other side of the road because it was crushed by the wheels of a gas-guzzling SUV.

DR. SEUSS
Did the chicken cross the road?
Did he cross it with a toad?
Yes, the chicken crossed the road,
But why it crossed, I've not been told!

ERNEST HEMINGWAY
To die. In the rain. Alone.

GRANDPAM
In my day, we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Someone told us that the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough for us. Since you asked about crossing the road, did I ever tell you that, when I was young, I had to cross a road that was covered with seven feet of snow just to get to school?

BARBARA WALTERS
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments we will be listening to the Chicken tell, for the first time, the heart-warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting and went on to accomplish its life-long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

KARL MARX
It was an historical inevitability.

RENE DESCARTES
The chicken thinks he crosses the road, therefore he is.

CAPTAIN KIRK
To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

ALBERT EINSTEIN
Did the chicken really cross the road or did the road move beneath the chicken?

Way Too Freaky!!!
(Cross-eyed Jones)

From the Non-Sequitur Dept.

Ever seen a picture that just makes your brain flip? Makes your eyes cross? That is just hard to wrap your thoughts around? Well prepare to add one more... Ready?

This is a static picture - it is not animated - but your brain will say it is moving! If you look at the black center of any of the circles, just that one circle will stop moving... If you stare at one spot for a couple of seconds, everything will stop moving (or your brain will explode)...

(Want to have some fun? Save the image and make it the desktop wallpaper of your friend's computer!)

How The Pope Gets His Name...
(Now You Know Jones)

From the News-Worth-Repeating Dept.

Pope John Paul II was born Karol Jozef Wojtyla... So why the name change? It all goes back to Pope John II in 533... Pope John II was born Mercurius, derived from Mercury, the Roman god... Not wanting the leader of the Christian Church to have a name belonging to a pagan religion, he changed his name to honor a prior Pope... It has since become commonplace to for a new Pope to change his name to that of a favorite Saint or prior Pope - or more than one of them... It symbolizes the new life he is beginning as head of the Catholic Church and also allows him to telegraph the type of Pope he will be - his poilicies will usually be like the one(s) whose name he follows... Pope John Paul II chose his name to honor his predecessor - John Paul I (who died just 33 days after being elected pope - he chose his name to honor predecessors Pope John XXIII and Pope Paul VI) - and also to show that he was going to be a traveling Pope with strong doctrinal beliefs...

Want to know more? The online Catholic Encyclopedia has a chronological list of all 265 Popes and information on each one... Also check out Fodder For Faith for some insights into how Pope names reflect (and anticipate) papal policy...

A Birthday Worth Remembering!
(Newborn Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

Richard Lee Coleman Jr. (6 pounds, 8 ounces - about 2.95 kilograms) was born at a gas station just before his Mother was chased down by the police in Kettering, Ohio...

Debbie Coleman had been trying to drive herself to the hospital when she pulled into the station... When notified by another customer that "a customer was in labor at pump number 7," attendants called 911 and came out in time to watch Mrs. Coleman finish the birth in the front seat of her van! Before the medics arrived, though, she clutched the baby to her chest and drove off to try to get to the hospital (only 7 miles away)! Another customer began tailing her to ensure she made it there OK, calling the police to let them know what was happening...

The police, however, got her license plate number wrong and it came up as a stolen vehicle! So they sent 4 patrol cars to stop the "theft" and ensure she was not trying to "dispose" of the baby! According to police reports, they followed her going about 30 mph (about 48kph) until she pulled into the hospital...

Mrs. Coleman says she heard, "'Get out of the car now with your hands up' and their guns were drawn. I opened the door and said, 'I just had a baby' and just let them see everything... I thought, what if they stop me for fleeing and eluding?" Luckily, police Sgt. Chris Selby had seen both his kids born, recognized what had happened, and helped her into the hospital...

(The best part is that the Coleman's other children - Erin (4) and Elaine (3) - slept through the whole thing in the back of the van!!!)

Pope John Paul II - 9665 Days That Changed The World...
(Praying Jones)

From the Just-Wanted-To-Share Dept.

Cardinal Karol Jozef Wojtyla became Pope John Paul II on October 16, 1978... At the time of his death, Pope John Paul was the most viewed (in person) person on the planet! His impact on the world is astonishing... He held true to his faith and convictions regardless of how difficult it may have been... Once, when told of a poll showing how many people disagreed with some of his beliefs, he responded, "Ah, but I must still provide the message!" And provide the message he did - he traveled to or invited to visit many of the world's leaders, never flinching from telling them in he thought their actions did not hold true to the Holy Word... He visited more countries than any Pope in history - over 130 - taking the time in each one to minister to and meet with the common people there, often filling huge stadiums or fields with people waiting to hear his message...

Having been the third longest serving Pope ever, his impact on the Catholic church has been huge! He always knew his job was to take the message to the masses and he brought many of the archaic processes of the church into the modern age, using TV, the Internet, and other means to both bring the message to the masses and also make the Vatican more accessible to all... He canonized more Saints than all of his predecesors combined... And since he appointed all but three of the cardinals who will elect his successor, his legacy is likely to carry on with the next Pope as well...

One can only hope it does... God speed, Pope John Paul II!

(Want to learn more about the Pope, his legacy, and what comes next? Visit the Vatican (The Holy See) Web Site...)

The Best April Fools Jokes Of All Time!
(Gotcha Jones)

From the Truth-Is-Stranger-Than-Fiction Dept.

Ah April Fools... Finally a legitimate reason to pull a prank on the ones you love... Or hate... Or anyone, really! So what were some of the best April Fools jokes of all time?

  • In 1957 the BBC news show Panorama announced that thanks to a very mild winter and the virtual elimination of the dreaded spaghetti weevil, Swiss farmers were enjoying a bumper spaghetti crop... It accompanied this announcement with footage of Swiss peasants pulling strands of spaghetti down from trees... The BBC still has the originial broadcast archived!
  • In 1962 there was only one tv channel in Sweden, and it broadcast in black and white... The station's technical expert, Kjell Stensson, appeared on the news to announce that thanks to a newly developed technology, all viewers could now quickly and easily convert their existing sets to display color reception - all they had to do was pull a nylon stocking over their tv screen! Stensson even "demonstrated" the process! Reportedly, hundreds of thousands of people, out of the population of seven million, tried it!
  • In 1996 the fast food chain Taco Bell took out a full page ad in the New York Times to announce their purchase of the Liberty Bell to help the national debt... The bell was even going to be renamed the "Taco Liberty Bell"... The White House even got in on it! When Mike McCurry, the White House spokesperson, was asked about the sale, he said the Lincoln Memorial had also been sold to Ford and would be renamed the Lincoln-Mercury Memorial!
  • In 1992 National Public Radio's Talk of the Nation program announced that Richard Nixon, in a surprise move, was running for President again... His new campaign slogan was, "I didn't do anything wrong, and I won't do it again..." Accompanying this announcement were audio clips of Nixon delivering his candidacy speech... Host John Hockenberry had to reveal the the joke have hundred of people called the show, flooding the phone lines!
  • The April 1998 issue of the New Mexicans for Science and Reason newsletter had an article about the Alabama state legislature voting to change the value of the mathematical constant pi from 3.14159 (etc) to 3.0... The article ended up being posted on the Internet and sent via e-mail, causing thousands of letters and calls to the Alabama state legislature from all over the world!
  • In 1998 Burger King published a full page advertisement in USA Today announcing the introduction of a new item to their menu: a "Left-Handed Whopper" specially designed for the 32 million left-handed Americans... According to the advertisement, the new whopper included the same ingredients as the original Whopper, but all the condiments were rotated 180 degrees for the benefit of their left-handed customers... Burger King had to publish a retraction after thousands of people started ordering the sandwhiches!
(< Sigh > All of these just make the ones I've pulled on people seem so amateur... Hmmm... Maybe I should begin planning now for next year!)


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