Our Unconditional Guarantee

We at AllJoneses.com strive to create the finest in interesting, occasionally humorous, non-mission-critical web sites and hope that you will enjoy your stay and return often. For this reason, we are pleased to offer this UNCONDITIONAL GUARANTEE complete with these conditions:

• We unconditionally guarantee the AllJoneses.com web site to be free of any defects in workmanship or workwomanship each time an individual web page is created or edited. If you aren't satisfied with a particular page on our site -- for any reason -- just notify the Webmaster and we will gladly provide you with an additional free download of that or any other page.
• We guarantee safe arrival... If any content from AllJoneses.com arrives in your browser broken, send an e-mail to the Webmaster and we will immediately send a replacement.
• We slightly guarantee locally cached copies of AllJoneses.com content for THREE MONTHS against any broken links, moved page, etc whether due to earthquakes, solar flares, or a change in your ISP. Just e-mail the Webmaster a fragment of the content and we will send a replacement or a link to a replacement.
• We warrant each locally cached copy of AllJoneses.com content for a period of FIVE YEARS to be absolutely free of any megalomaniacal tendencies. If you discover one, contact us immediately and we will provide a more inert replacement right after claiming the Nobel Prize for Artificial Intelligence.
• Furthermore, we guarantee for TEN YEARS that regardless of any changes to your local computer, operating system, or data storage mechanisms, the content of the AllJoneses.com web site will not be affected.
• We further warrant for ONE MILLION YEARS that within a Euclidean plane, the square of a right triangle's hypotenuse will equal the sum of the squares of the two remaining sides.
• In addition, AllJoneses.com provides this exclusive LIFETIME GUARANTEE: We guarantee that you will live your entire lifetime, or double your money back.

Also remember that we do not warrant this or any other web site against the actions of cats, ferrets, or axolotls. We will NOT BE HELD RESPONSIBLE for any incidents relating to these beasts of burden whatsoever in any form.

All other warranties, express and implied, are null and void except during total solar eclipses. You shall have the option, at your discretion, to try to collect on this guarantee. Guarantee void if a substantial portion of the web site leaks into the 4th dimension. The big print giveth and the small print taketh away.